~Written by Danielle N. Bilski ~
I have granted my own request of wanting enough time to write. Perhaps wanting is not the right word to use. This is something I have struggled with from the very beginning of this project – trying to balance work with my personal life with my writing that ‘needing enough time to write’ is probably more accurate. Now, I can see that work, my personal life and my writing have all combined in a way that I can only really describe as being the only way it should be.
When I first started to discover my love of words and writing as a potential career, I always hoped that one day I would be able to write all day and let it become a major part of my daily life. When I was studying Professional Writing and Editing, the words came so naturally to me and I realised that it made me feel the happiest and most true version of myself when I discovered this way to express myself that I thoroughly enjoyed to do.
Today, I am where I saw myself wanting to be when I let myself dream six years ago when I was doing my course. When I think about everything that I have done in the the last six years between 2004 and now, it makes sense that now is my chance to write every day as I had envisioned myself doing while I was living it in a learning capacity. That is not to say that I am not still learning how to write. What I am now doing is putting what I have learned into practical use while creating something that is uniquely mine and a product of my own desire, awareness, love and determination.
I am living my dream, every single day. It feels amazing! I am so grateful to be where I am in my life right now. The choices I have made have brought me to this very place. Although I have had my self doubts about whether it is good enough, whether anyone will read it, whether I should be earning money instead, whether I should have chosen to save, buy a house, get married, have children, travel overseas, whether anyone fully understands how important it is to my life and my happiness that I fulfill this writing dream I have had since I was very young. I am a particularly passionate and emotion person and as a result I spend a lot of time thinking, wondering, reflecting, hoping, dreaming, listening, watching, feeling and doing things that get me as close to truth and peace as I can get.
Every day I make a conscious effort to appreciate myself and the choices that I have made in my life. Sometimes I wonder whether making the conscious choice to devote all of my time to ‘My Time with You’ is the right thing to do. In my heart and in the back of my mind I know it is. Some days it takes a bit more of an inverted focus for me to remember why I chose this life, but when I do find that place where everything is as it should be I feel most like myself than I have ever felt. I am not living in a traditional way. I constantly feel insecure and different from the majority of my friends who have paying jobs, their own cars, their own houses, who go on overseas holidays, who are engaged or married with children or a child on the way. Don’t think that I haven’t considered those as choices in my life. I have and still do on the days when I am not feeling so confident in ‘My Time with You’. Some make me feel like what I am doing is unrealistic and that I should be more like the way they expect me to be. My closet family and friends know the real me and have been nothing but supportive. They know how much time and effort I have given to everything else I have done in my life before embarking on this personal endeavour and they remind me that the time I have granted myself is not in vain; it is vital!
The last three months I have achieved some much progress with the manuscript and the planning of it and each day I get a bit better at focusing on what I have chosen to do, rather than worrying about what I have chosen not to do. I am fully accountable for every decision I have made in my life up to now, good or bad and ultimately it is all subjective. From my perspective, my work, my personal life, my writing and my time with you are all a blessing and today is one more day that I am embracing the unity of this life that I have created and would not be the same without my family, my friends and everyone who has supported my and believed in me as I am.
I spend so much time looking inside and inverting my focus to my spirituality and self in order to extract the best parts for the novel. I also look at the bigger picture around me because I don’t live this life alone. I share it with you and although we have all made different choices, for different reasons, with different outcomes, because we are different people and in the end this makes us the same.
You are who you are; don’t be sorry for it. Embrace yourself and everyone who is similarly different to you. Find your place in the world and shine your light so everyone can see who your truly are. Be positive, spread happiness and love and don’t forget to take care of yourself because in the end it is up to you.
Look inside yourself, but remember to step outside and look around every now and then too. It’s amazing what you’ll find,
My time with you.
©2011 Danielle N. Bilski