~ Written by Danielle N. Bilski ~

In the early hours of Sunday morning I finished reading ‘My Brilliant Career’ by Stella Maria Sarah Miles Franklin, famously known as Miles Franklin. As a prescribed text for week eight of the Australian Literature unit I am currently studying, it was chosen for me. However, I thoroughly enjoyed it and identify quite profoundly with the narrator Sybylla’s desire to write and unwillingness to be satisfied living a life defined by gender expectations and social stereotypes (through institutions such as marriage, domesticity and a career of manual labour in a poverty, drought stricken environment) that was prevalent in the Australian landscape of the late eighteenth and early twentieth century.

Sybylla is very strong-willed and I admire her conviction to make her future what she chose it to be rather than what was predetermined for her by circumstance. Going to live at Caddagat with her grandma, Uncle Julius and Aunt Helen gave her access to the arts, music and literature of the writers and musicians she always felt in her heart fulfilled her although she never had available to her at her parent’s home in Possum Gully. ‘My Brilliant Career’ was completed in 1899 when Franklin was only 18 years old and was first published in 1901. Henry Lawson played a significant role in getting Franklin’s manuscript published and there is a foreword written by Lawson in the edition that I read published by Harper Perennial in 2004 which also contains the sequel ‘My Career Goes Bung’ from 1946.

At approximately 4am on Sunday morning, reading the last page of ‘My Brilliant Career’ I had a profound stroke of creativity and on green sticky notes I began writing down specific ideas for ‘My Time with You’. For the next two hours I filled a total of 25 small green squares of paper, containing direct character and plot ideas for my own manuscript. My favourite quote from ‘My Brilliant Career’ would have to be this one:

‘Our greatest heart-treasure is a knowledge that there is in creation an individual to whom our existence is necessary – some one who is part of our life as we are part of theirs, some one in whose life we feel assured our death would leave a gap for a day or two.’ (Franklin, 1901:234)

This quote had a special resonance for me as it goes to the core of what ‘My Time with You’ was originally conceived to demonstrate through a heart-felt narrative that exists inside me. The revival of my ambition to complete ‘My Time with You’ and to share it with the world was inspired by Miss Franklin’s intimate and courageous account of a female Australian writer through Sybylla’s experiences at the turn of the twentieth century.

In January 2012, 110 years after Franklin’s first novel was published, I (a twenty seven year old Australian woman) sit at a computer screen, aided by the knowledge and resources that the twenty-first century affords me to follow my own inate desire to write. With sincere tribute to the incredible writers who came before me, particularly the Australian women like the brave Stella Maria Sarah Miles Franklin who was a pioneering female novelist, I write with pride and immense gratitude that my voice might now be heard and attributed to me without having to assume a male pseudonym in order have my work read and acknowledged.

I have miles of ambition and Franklin has shown me that anything is possible, no matter how society tries to define or limit your opportunities within the historical time you live. As the first person from my immediate family to attend university, I am doing everything in my power to appreciate and make the most of this chance I have been given to study the great writers I aspire to learn all I can from. I aim to increase my ability to become even a mere creative mortal who can walk admiringly in their extraordinary metaphorical footsteps before graduating to leave a humble literary path of my own.

On an academic note: On Wednesday I received 70% for my first Australian Literature essay. The comments I received were very constructive and considering that I submitted it within the word limit, which I have always exceeded with  essays I have submitted, I am very happy with the outcome. In the spirit of my last blog post where I committed to a new personal ideology of ‘I am already doing this’, the room to improve my work is something I now view as a positive. I am constantly learning and I love it!

As the literary world that I am studying academically and the world that I am creating within my own writing are becoming more and more entwined, I am so excited to see what happens next in my own life story.

As Franklin would have said ‘this is my career – my life- my brilliant career!‘ (Franklin, 1901:26)

I chose it and I now must make it the best that I possibly can. It’s the least I can do after everything that my female literary predeccessors fought  hard inspire in future generations of Australian women.

From a proud and independent Australian woman of the twenty-first century with miles of creative ambition, admiration and appreciation in my mind and heart,

My time with you

References:

Franklin, Miles, 1901, ‘My Brilliant Career’ in Webby, Elizabeth (ed), 2004, My Brilliant Career and My Career Goes Bung, Harper Perennial, Sydney

©2012 Danielle N. Bilski

~ Written by Danielle N. Bilski ~

I’ve realised what my problem is: The day I was born. Now, don’t worry because I mean this purely in terms of my birth numerology. Yesterday, out of curiosity (when really I should have been writing my Literature essay) I found a birth number calculator and after putting in my date, month and year it came up with my corresponding number and supporting comments. This is a screen shot of what I received.

SOURCE: Manyzone.com, http://manyzone.com/astrology/numerology/birthnumber/findout.aspx, Accessed 7th January 2012

‘They believe in doing things in the utmost idealistic manner but somehow have the tendencies not to carry on their act to the final implementation stages.’ This is a challenge that I have faced numerous times in my life and especially when it comes to my creativity. I have always rationalised it to myself as ‘perfectionism’. They call it ‘idealistic’.

Even after writing this blog for almost two and a half years, working on my manuscript, freelance writing, completing my Diploma of Professional Writing and Editing, studying literature at university since last August and having three of my poems published in ‘Dear Michael with Love’ by Theresa Jordan in 2010, I still face a personal battle every single day trying to keep those ‘negatives crop up within you’ at bay.

According to this reading, this is something that is beyond my control. The reality is, I doubt. I am an optimist, but I still sometimes have doubts about myself and my work. Of course there is a healthy level of hesitation that is human nature. Being too sure of anything can cause disappointment. I try to go with the flow as much as possible, because I have been disappointment before, after investing too much hope in something and my expectation not being fulfilled. I rejoice when things go well. The wonderful thing about this blog is that for the last two and half years I have had somewhere to reflect during those times when I have needed some perspective. I usually return to my optimistic state by the time I have posted. Having said that, there is always a part of me that thinks ‘you can’t do this.’ My reply should always be ‘I already am.’ That is now at the core of my personal ideology from now on.

I will admit that I remain skeptical when it comes to numerology, astrology and new age philosophy, however there is some strikingly obvious truth to this particular reading. If anything, this is proof that I was meant to write and it wasn’t simply a conscious desire. The creative tendency and love was born with me the day I was. Whether or not you believe in numerology, I know that this is the personal realisation that I needed to start this new year with to give me something to overcome.

The sociology unit that I am currently studying has helped me understand the various elements that define and underpin my existence on a biographical and more broader social level, taking into consideration, but not limited to class, gender, age (generational), race, locality, culture, mobility, home and relationships. This is also reflected in the Australian Literature unit I am also currently studying that has had me reading poetry, ballads, journals and letters from men and women, British born and Australian born citizens, convicts, colonials, goldfield inhabitants, those who lived in the city and those who lived in the bush from the mid to late 1800s  up to 1950. The sociological elements previously mentioned are also highly relevant to note in the representation of characters throughout these literary texts produced in Australia’s history.

Every attempt I make at writing something I approach with an expectation of myself to complete it ‘idealistically’ with ballpoint pen precision. That is obviously unrealistic and if it leads to ‘work half done’ then that defeats the purpose, doesn’t it? I am not naive enough or alternatively, arrogant, to think that my work will always be perfect, one hundred percent the first time, every time. Then why do I expect myself to achieve this impossibility? From now on, I will have to make sure that I don’t. There is a difference between ‘taking pride in my work by trying to make it better through proofreading, editing, and rewriting if necessary’ and ‘fooling myself into thinking that I should never have to improve it because it is already exactly how it should be’.

I won’t be afraid to begin, because I am optimistic that the ending will be only a version of what I expect. Sometimes surprises are even better than knowing exactly what’s inside the box.

SOURCE: Manyzone.com, http://manyzone.com/astrology/numerology/birthnumber/findout.aspx, Accessed 7th January 2012

I TAKE FROM THIS EXPERIENCE:
– ‘Creativity is the key to my working style’: I was born to create
– I do things in an ‘idealistic manner’: I have high expectations of myself
– Sometimes my creativity leads to ‘work half done’: I overwhelm myself with alternate possibilities
– I need to learn to ‘never let negatives crop up within’ me: Instead of ‘I can’t do this’ it will be ‘I am already doing this’
– ‘Complete my task’: If I’m not happy with it, I can always make it better!

With so much happening, it is easy to forget to take time to reflect. With the help of this blog, the units I am studying and the novelty of finding out my birth number, I have pinpointed where my main insecurity lies. You can be as precise as possible and even then you may accidentally write outside the lines; it happens and should be expected every now and then! That’s what the delete button or white out are for.

Being creative inadvertently leaves you vulnerable to a varying degree. The idea is to not let that vulnerably work against you, leaving you open to your own unhealthy criticism that breeds further negativity. Be proud of yourself  and be rewarded by bringing your tasks to their intended fruition. Learn the lesson and appreciate the effort.

‘Success is there to take you in its strides’. You deserve nothing less than that honor. Embrace the opportunity!

My time with you

©2012 Danielle N. Bilski